Sometimes I like to think that God is up there watching my life unfold and He is laughing at me. He see’s me walking up mountains and down paths and every so often I get tripped up over things that shouldn’t trip me up, but alas, I fall. My imagination tells me He is thinking ‘sweet girl, if only you would fully trust me and walk where I’ve called you to go, your feet would be more steady.’
November has been such a beautiful month of restoration and hope. The months leading to it, however, were not quite as beautiful. I have a really good head on my shoulders but that was not the case during those months. My heart had been broken, I was searching for affirmation in all of the wrong places, hopes & dreams that were slowly dying fueled the fire for the rocky path I started to walk down.
I don’t typically share quite as much with you guys as I am about to, but my assurance is in the fact that someone needs to hear this. We’re all friends here and sometimes our journeys aren’t as pretty as our Instagram feeds. Sometimes they’re filled with loneliness, fear, and pain. If nothing else, I’m hoping my experience keeps you from doing the same.
That day back in July my problems were huge and my heart was hurting. Once we got to the top of that giant rock I got a moment to just sit on my own for a second and think about all of the happenings from days before. It was in that moment that I was reminded that God had a handle on what I was going through. Problems that I perceived as HUGE were tiny to Him and it was on that mountain that I knew I would eventually move beyond all of the emotions I was feeling.
But much like the hiking trip mentioned on my Instagram last week, sometimes to get to the top of the mountain we have to get pricked by a few thorns and trip over a few rocks to get a new perspective. I sat on top of that mountain with an aching heart that had no hope. Sometimes you have to experience loneliness, fear, and pain to walk in fullness and freedom.
Loneliness is a funny thing. SO many people are carrying the weight of it, yet we all feel like we’re the only ones. I tried to fill my loneliness with guys and more people following the end of that relationship, that led me to a dangerous place of compromising morals and not allowing myself any room for healing. I was filling a hole with more and more meaningless relationships.
Fear is a dangerous thing. When we operate out of fear we make decisions that we wouldn’t typically make. We rush into rebounds that won’t amount to anything and are shattered when they don’t. We jump into opportunities even though we’re exhausted and not the best for us just to prove that someone wants us somewhere.
Today, however, my heart isn’t broken, my hope is reestablished in the correct things and I’ve learned valuable lessons. Like the one about rebounds…
Heartbreak sucks, but you my friend are worth more than a broken heart, you are worth the joy that follows healing. You are worth more than flings that never amount to anything. You are worth the peace that comes in knowing that no matter where your journey takes you, mountain or valley, God has orchestrated all of your steps and you can walk confidently into even the hardest thing because you know He cares for you. You can walk through that valley with your head up and your heart buried so incredibly deep in Jesus because He’ll shield it from arrows
I’m grateful for that heartbreak. Words I would have never imagined I would be able to utter in the midst of it. Now, however, I wouldn’t have changed that season for anything.